A Big-Time Bummer

Apparently , Anna Nicole Smith was found nearly dead in her hotel room today. She was pronounced so by 3 PM. Any way you cut it, it's really very sad. I must say that I will miss her presence in the entertainment-news arena.

I know what you're probably thinking. I, Gavrich, do not seem like I would be sympathetic to Anna Nicole. But hear me out.

Anna Nicole embodied a lot of traits that are associated with America. She rose from humble beginnings (one of six kids in her family, raised in Texas) to fame and wealth by opportunism, a very "American" progression.

Smith gained that wealth in a rather dubious way, by becoming a naughtier version of the famed Marilyn Monroe. Like it or not, PLAYBOY is an institution that is thoroughly American, because (like it or not) of its total lack of subtlety as far as sexuality is concerned. Americans can be generalized with a great many adjectives, but "subtle" is not one of them.

After her decline in desirability due to a gain in weight and adoption of some bad habits--her uncomplimentary television show and horrid drunkenness at the MTV awards (I think) made her a laughing stock--in American fashion, she tried to turn her life around. America is a land of second chances, and it seemed that she was doing alright, especially after becoming the spokesmodel for Trimspa. But tragically, the death of her son proved devastating, and her death this afternoon was the end of an overall-unfortunate story. But in spite of this, you've got to admire her (albeit brief) turnaround, if not much else.

A few minor Americanisms about Anna Nicole (forgive me if I repeat myself***):
- Worked in both a Wal-Mart and a Red Lobster, both stereotypical American establishments.
- Resorted to stripping in order to support her son, met her future husband J. Howard Marshall, who was 63 years older than she.
- A lot of plastic surgery.
- Became a kind of Marilyn-Monroe, Jr. Marilyn Monroe herself (and her mystique) is thoroughly, undoubtedly American.
- Went bankrupt.
- Sued for half of Marshall's estate after he died--we Americans love our lawsuits.
- Reality TV show documenting her private life and antics.

***In these "Americanisms," I do not mean to be stereotypical, or to say that these are only American things. However, they can be closely associated with our great country, for better or worse.

I suppose only one set of lyrics is appropriate for this evening's offering:

Elton John/Bernie Taupin, "Candle in the Wind"

"Goodbye Norma Jean,
Though I never knew you at all
You had the grace to hold yourself
While those around you crawled.
They crawled out of the woodwork
And they whispered into your brain
They set you on the treadmill
And they made you change your name...

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind,
Never knowing who to cling to
When the rain set in.
And I would have liked to have known you
But I was just a kid,
Your candle burned out long before
Your legend ever did...

Loneliness was tough
The toughest role you ever played,
Hollywood created a superstar
And pain was the price you paid.
Even when you died
Oh the press still hounded you,
All the papers had to say
Was that Marilyn was found in the nude...

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind,
Never knowing who to cling to
When the rain set in.
And I would have liked to have known you
But I was just a kid,
Your candle burned out long before
Your legend ever did...

Goodbye Norma Jean
From the young man in the 22nd row,
Who sees you as something more than sexual
More than just our Marilyn Monroe...

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind,
Never knowing who to cling to
When the rain set in.
And I would have liked to have known you
But I was just a kid,
Your candle burned out long before
Your legend ever did..."