The Torments Never Cease

So I missed school yesterday to visit a college in Pennsylvania. My mother and I went to visit (and eat dinner with) her cousin's family on the way to the hotel near the college. The visit wasn't awesome, so we decided to leave early. On the way home, we stopped for an ice cream at a nearby Carvel (a combination Cinnabon-Carvel, in fact). While enjoying my Brown Bonnet, a bit of ice cream entered the wrong pipe, and I broke out into a fit of vigorous coughing.

Apologies for the lengthy setup. Anyway, as I am coughing like an old smoker beset with emphysema, a little boy of three years of age (also getting an ice cream cone with his mother) begins to mock me by staring me down and fake-coughing in an effort to annoy me. Though there was a certain level of cuteness to this small child's behavior, he was nonetheless poking fun at me. It's like the people with whom I interact daily hire people to follow me around and torment me. Yes, I acknowledge that I'm horribly annoying, but please people, call off the toddlers!

Sorry. That wasn't a very good story. I'll make it up to you with an ironic lyrical selection.

"Baby I'm A Star," by Prince (presented with The Artist's alternate spellings of common words)

"Hey, look me over
Tell me do u like what u see?
Hey, I ain't got no money
But honey I'm rich on personality
Hey, check it all out
Baby I know what it's all about
Before the night is through
U will see my point of view
Even if I have 2 scream and shout

Baby I'm a (star)
Might not know it now
Baby but I r, I'm a (star)
I don't want to stop, 'til I reach the top
Sing it (We are all a star!)

Hey, take a listen
Tell me do u like what u hear?
If it don't turn u on
Just say the word and I'm gone
But honey I know, ain't nothing
Wrong with your ears
Hey, check it all out
Better look now or it just might be 2 late (just might be 2 late)
My lucks gonna change tonight
There's gotta be a better life
Take a picture sweetie
I ain't got time 2 waste

Oh baby I'm a (star)
Might not know it now
Baby but I r, I'm a (star)
I don't want to stop, 'til I reach the top
Sing it! (We are all a star!)

Everybody say, nothing come 2 easy
But when u got it baby, nothing come 2 hard
You'll see what I'm all about (see what I'm all about)
If I gotta scream and shout (if I gotta scream and shout)
Baby baby (baby) baby (baby) baby (baby)
yeah
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah (star)..."