I was going to blog tonight about how it annoys me to see people wearing apparel of colleges they do not attend, but after spending 20 minutes being physically restrained against my will, I have had pause to think about something less trivial than sweatshirts and block lettering.
I wrote and delivered a "Chapel Talk"--a chance for Westminster students to speak about issues of morality, reflect on personal anecdotes, etc.--last Spring. I feel the urge to re-publish that speech here (mostly because I don't believe I've yet posted it).
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One day, during this year’s winter term, I was sitting on one of the benches in the upper foyer after lunch. A group of my peers had taken to poking small holes in the caps of water bottles and spraying water at innocent passersby. I’m sure you can guess the primary target on each person.
Now don’t get me wrong—I’m not so naïve as to fail to understand why these people would want to spray water at one another. If everyone is signed on for such a prank, I’m all for it. I enjoy a clever joke as much as anyone. But what upset me in this case was that some of my fellow 6th Formers armed with perforated bottles of Poland Spring water thought that it would be especially funny to squirt the water at some unsuspecting 3rd and 4th Formers as they walked to the library. After the barrage, these students would rush through the library doors with looks of profound mortification and distress.
These innocent victims are part of a vicious cycle that is becoming more and more pronounced in our culture. It causes a 6th Former to argue: “I was made fun of by seniors when I was a 3rd Former, so why shouldn’t I treat 3rd Formers the way seniors treated me? I turned out all right.”
This morning, I wish to offer you a different perspective on teasing, mocking, and general disrespect—the perspective of someone who has been through quite a bit of it himself.
***
Up through elementary and middle school, my differences made me quite an easy target for those who strive for self-validation by putting down others. I was teased viciously for the silliest of reasons. For instance, I was as talkative a boy back then as I am now, and I tended to participate in class far more often than most of my peers. I quickly earned the dubious moniker of “teacher’s pet,” and all the unkind comments that accompany it, that I cannot repeat here.
I would wear a pair of khaki pants and a tucked-in polo shirt to school in middle school, while my male peers preferred to wear the baggiest clothes possible. I still marvel at how one is able to keep one’s pants from falling down when one wears them around the thigh, rather than the waist. But because I did not find that style of dress comfortable, words like “geek,” “dork,” and others I’d rather not mention would accompany me wherever I roamed.
One day in 6th grade, I used the word “assuage” when talking about a story we had read in class. I know it is not exactly part of a normal 10-year-old’s vocabulary, but I still did not expect to be mocked for the remainder of the school year. I was hurt tremendously by remarks that attacked both my usage of a “grown-up” word and my slight speech impediment that is exposed when I pronounce words with “ch,” “sh,” and “j” sounds in them.
I believe that we must rid our minds immediately of the notion that it is acceptable to insult others because they look, act, or speak in an unusual way. We have seen the destructive effects of teasing and lockstep disrespect in our schools in recent years. What do you think the people who made fun of Eric Harris, Dylan Klebold, or more recently, Seung-Hui Cho, would say about the consequences of senseless bullying? I am fairly sure of what the parents of the killers and the other slain Columbine High School students and Virginia Tech community members would say. But many people would still brush off these events and say, “Nahh, that would never happen at my school.”
Don’t get me wrong—I believe that fortunately, there are very few people who are capable of such horrible violence. But nevertheless, these extreme examples show us why no good can come of our intolerance of people who look, act, or speak differently than we do.
***
The intolerance I speak of is harmful in subtle and indirect ways as well. So many young people are unable to express themselves because they fear a backlash from the “popular” crowd. These “diamonds in the rough” become introverted, shy, and anti-social, so most of us lose the excellent opportunity to learn about them and from them. Everyone has something to offer to others, but because of intolerance, many worthy voices go unheard. How much more enlightened would we be as individuals and as a society if we learned to listen to others’ thoughts with a non-judgmental ear, and if we learned to look at others with a non-judgmental eye?
I believe that this intolerance is borne partly of ignorance, and that simply by trying to listen objectively, we can begin to break our habits of narrow-mindedness. A couple of weeks ago, when Ingrid Fliter performed for us, I was somewhat disquieted to hear giggling at her description of the relationship between pianist and piano. Because she personified her Steinway Model D Grand Piano in an unusual way, her ideas were likely seen as preposterous simply because those who laughed might not have related to her strong passion for performing music.
***
The great 19th century philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once said: “The worst readers are those who proceed like plundering soldiers: they pick up a few things they can use, soil and confuse the rest, and blaspheme the whole.” I believe that this quote can be applied to the idea of our periodic lack of tolerance for those who are different. When we alienate others based on superficialities, we act like Nietzsche’s misguided soldiers—we only see what we want to see in some people. Consequently, we do severe injustices to each other.
Some of the friendliest, funniest, and smartest people I know are people who do not run with the “cool” crowd. They are diamonds in the rough who need only a fair chance to be heard, to be engaged in conversation, to be accepted as equals. People with untold experiences to share and ideas to offer. Because as George Harrison is about to tell us: “Some things take so long…But how do I explain…When not too many people…Can see we're all the same…And because of all their tears…Their eyes can't hope to see…The beauty that surrounds them…Isn’t it a pity?”
I would like to end by saying that I believe—I know—that we as people have the ability to affect positive changes in our attitudes towards others. As a wise fortune cookie paper once told me: “Begin; the rest is easy."
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Tonight's lyrical selection: "Isn't it a Pity," by George Harrison:
"Isn't it a pity
Now, isn't it a shame
How we break each other's hearts
And cause each other pain
How we take each other's love
Without thinking anymore
Forgetting to give back
Isn't it a pity
Some things take so long
But how do I explain
When not too many people
Can see we're all the same
And because of all their tears
Their eyes can't hope to see
The beauty that surrounds them
Isn't it a pity
Isn't it a pity
Isn't is a shame
How we break each other's hearts
And cause each other pain
How we take each other's love
Without thinking anymore
Forgetting to give back
Isn't it a pity
Forgetting to give back
Isn't it a pity
Forgetting to give back
Now, isn't it a pity
(6 times, fade the 6th:)
What a pity
What a pity, pity, pity
What a pity
What a pity, pity, pity..."
