And Now, A Brief Public Service Announcement

The sinister nature of fast food advertising never ceases to amaze me.

Most will agree that the McDonald's Dollar Menu (and its ilk) is one of Man's greatest innovations. Most would not consider it a stretch at all to declare the Double Cheeseburger one of the yummiest possible uses of a dollar.

Most Dollar Menu veterans will note the recent introduction of a new Dollar Menu item: the McDouble. Just a renaming of the Double Cheeseburger. Or is it?

I learned the dastardly truth last night, when I was hit head-on by a snack attack. I had quite the DC hankering. When I glanced at the Dollar Menu at the nearest site of the Golden Arches, I noticed that a Double Cheeseburger was now an infuriating $1.19! Confused and a little troubled, I inquired as to the difference between the McDouble and the Double Cheeseburger. My braces-toothed order-taker informed me in a splendidly lazy drawl that "the Double Cheeseburger has two pieces of cheese and the McDouble has one piece."

This move by McD's is really pretty stingy, in my opinion. As one of the few stocks that has felt relatively little to no heat from the recent economic downturn, the decision to quibble by 19 cents over a single piece of ultra-processed cheese-type matter is quite silly. But that's the way it goes, I guess.

Anyway, I just thought I would warn those of you who have not yet been duped by The Man (none other than that bastard Ronald McDonald, in this case) that he is fixing to fleece you out of 19 cents per DC if you're not careful.


You'd better run, Ronnie. We're on to your little game.

Corporate pigs.

Pictures of Odd Things in Public Places, Part 2: Mall

...at long last. I've been a killer combination of busy and lazy since I returned to school, so forgive the blog pause. Anyhoo...

One afternoon when my family was in South Carolina, we went to the imposing Coastal Grand Mall. Still a giddy new iPhone owner, I snapped some pictures of amusing things in the mall, just as I did at Piggly Wiggly. Again, captions will succeed the pictures.




I'd put five-to-one odds against Gianni Bini and Antonio Melani even existing as real people. One of the funniest things I see in malls is department store in-house brands with faux-elegant Italian names that are clearly meant to remind would-be consumers of bona fide fashion names like Giorgio Armani and Donatella Versace.



I'd say it's pretty ironic that a brand called Hobo International is trying to sell fine leather handbags.



My instinct is to stay away from women dressed like the one in the above ad. It's a strong instinct.



Shameless self-humiliation, to show you that I put it all on the line for my loyal blog readers.



Though I am a contented owner of quite a few articles of Polo clothing, the people in their ads never cease to evoke feelings of bewilderment. Not only do the mannequin-like poses and facial expressions (and, no doubt, masks of makeup and airbrushing) disquiet me, their outfits are almost always ridiculous. I can't say I see many young men wearing bow ties under zip-up sweaters, but perhaps I don't run with the right crowd.

In conclusion, where's Don Draper when you need him?

Cheers.

Pictures of Odd Things in Public Places, Part 1: Supermarket

One of the most useful features of my new iPhone is the ease with which I can transfer pictures I've taken with it to my laptop. That has allowed me to go a bit hog-wild in taking pictures of things I find odd or amusing where'er I go. A few nights, I did so in the local Piggly Wiggly, a supermarket prevalent in parts of the South (we've been staying in Pawleys Island, SC for the better part of the last week). Captions will be under their pictures.


Gotta love seeing a package of cookies using the last name of a very famous philosopher. I think the company missed an opportunity to extend the association with Leibniz. The obvious motto for the cookies should be "Leibniz: the best of all possible cookies." Oh well; advertising just ain't what it used to be.


This pretty much sums up why I would never want to be a huge pop-culture celebrity. My obsession with Angelina Jolie is very intense and very private, and I'd like to keep it that way, thank you very much! (Note: I am not obsessed with Ms. Jolie)


I can only imagine some of the lines in this one:
Captain Bluebeard caressed her so gently and tenderly that the callouses on his hands melted away to nothing but ecstasy against her rost cheek.
"Yarrrr, dear Elizabeth, I could never make ye walk the plank."
Et Cetera, et cetera.


I wrote of the monosyllabic-detergent phenomenon some months ago, but I thought I'd capture it in its natural habitat, as it were.

Supermarkets can be really interesting studies of advertising, I've always thought. There are head-scratchers and laughs around every corner. Part 2 will be a similar format, but from the Coastal Grand Mall in Myrtle Beach, SC, at which my family spent a couple hours yesterday afternoon.

'Til then.

Anew

How my 2008 ended: watching the movie Traffic and then watching "Deal Or No Deal."

How my 2009 began: watching Robbie Knievel jump over a fake volcano at the Mirage in Las Vegas on FOX .

Nowhere to go but up, eh?

Happy New Year, y'all.