An Alarming Revelation

I got the idea to post on this a few days when the idea first hit me, but naturally my laziness overcame my studious side.

A few weeks ago in my French class, we staged a relatively informal debate on the environment as a change-of-pace sort of way to get the class talking. My professor videotaped us for the purpose of showing the DVD to the class in order to point out phrases or idioms that we may have misused, etc. A good idea; no problem.

He showed us the video last week. My partner--who speaks much better French than I--and I were first up. As soon as TV Tim opened his big mouth, real-world Tim thought something closely along the lines of the following:

"Gadzooks! I never knew how annoying my voice sounded! I really ought to apologize to those who have had to deal with my constant jabbering on a daily basis. Aww, but then that would mean I would be doing even more talking on top of my normal load, thereby annoying them further. AAARRGHH, what's a weirdo to do!?!?!?"

This is not a new revelation per se, but it just seems that currently, my voice sounds more annoying and strange to others than it ever has.

It's a fascinating and strange phenomenon, when I experience it. I'm so used to hearing myself talk from a first-person perspective. But--for me, anyway--hearing myself talk from a third-person perspective is always quite jarring. This last time, I said to myself briefly, "Cripes! If I were someone else, well heck, I'd even be annoyed by my voice. That's a pretty grim idea, n'est-ce pas?

Thankfully, I got over this fleeting crisis in short order. Naturally, I know as well or better than anyone that it would be a fool's errand to try to suppress this unfortunate quirk of mine by cutting back on talking. So it appears as though I will blunder on, but with an added few thoughts on the matter:

Little experiences like the one I just described tend to put us in our place somewhat. It exposes something we tend to take for granted. It brings me back to perhaps the single most important lesson of my schooling: the first day of 8th grade, when my English teacher made clear for the class the meaning of the word "egocentrism"--the inability to think outside one's own perspective. At the time, I accepted it as a nifty word, useful in certain situations but otherwise fairly inconsequential. But in the years since then, it has become more and more clear to me that one of the most important battles we can wage is the battle over our own egocentrism. Realizing that my voice sounds rather different from my perspective, opposed to that of others, is just a small example of a fascinating struggle that must be undertaken.

C'est l'égoïsme; c'est la vie.

Tonight's lyrical selection: "The Battle of Evermore"

"Queen of Light took her bow, And then she turned to go,
The Prince of Peace embraced the gloom, And walked the night alone.

Oh, dance in the dark of night, Sing to the morning light.
The dark Lord rides in force tonight, And time will tell us all.

Oh, throw down your plow and hoe, Rest not to lock your homes.

Side by side we wait the might of the darkest of them all.

I hear the horses' thunder down in the valley below,
I'm waiting for the angels of Avalon, waiting for the eastern glow.

The apples of the valley hold, The seeds of happiness,
The ground is rich from tender care, Repay, do not forget, no, no.
Dance in the dark of night, sing to the morning light.

The apples turn to brown and black, The tyrant's face is red.

Oh war is the common cry, Pick up your swords and fly.
The sky is filled with good and bad that mortals never know.

Oh, well, the night is long, the beads of time pass slow,
Tired eyes on the sunrise, waiting for the eastern glow.

The pain of war cannot exceed the woe of aftermath,
The drums will shake the castle wall, the ringwraiths ride in black, Ride on.

Sing as you raise your bow, shoot straighter than before.
No comfort has the fire at night that lights the face so cold.

Oh dance in the dark of night, Sing to the morning light.
The magic runes are writ in gold to bring the balance back. Bring it back.

At last the sun is shining, The clouds of blue roll by,
With flames from the dragon of darkness, the sunlight blinds his eyes.

Ooh, Bring it back, Bring it back..."