Some Deep Frustrations

Forgive my long-windedness, but I promise earnestly that I won't waste your time.

I am becoming slowly aware of the cruelty of high school. I've realized that I have a morbid role in the social structure of my school.

I am nothing more than the "Bearded Lady," the "Two-Headed Snake." A sideshow item, useful mostly in the amusement of others. And when they are satisfied, I am cast aside. It's kinda depressing.

I realize I have never been popular. I do not expect to be so. But the thing that pisses me off is how many people just flat-out REFUSE to acquaint themselves with something, or someone, different from what is already around them. In my case, there is a confluence of factors that has turned me into a monkey in a cage to many people.


I AM FAIRLY INTELLECTUAL: I do not mean to sound a braggart, but it's true. School and knowledge interest me. I am inspired by knowledge, far moreso than many people. As a consequence, I have become a resource. An encyclopaedia instead of a person at times. I am "uncool" because I like school. That sickens me more profoundly than any other evil. There is literally an infinitely high amount of untapped potential all around. I am guilty of it as well, but I know a large amount of people who could achieve so much more than they do currently.

Many of my AIM conversations with people I don't know very well usually consist of someone else asking me a question about school (an assignment, a draft of someone's essay), and that's about it. When their question is answered, they are finished. I seldom have a meaningful conversation with someone other than those I know better; they are few and far-between.

Now don't get me wrong; I love helping people. My idealistic hope is that the way I help them can help them in future times of confusion. It doesn't tend to happen that way. All they are looking for is a "quick fix," and the Gavrich Encyclopaedia is somewhat reliable, and free.


I AM POLITE AND ETHICS-CONSCIOUS: I am dumbfounded by the way a large number of people act. This is especially apparent in my observations of boys' behavior vis-a-vis girls. I am probably hopelessly, terribly old-fashioned, but in my ideal world, boys/men act differently in order to curry the favor of girls/women. I am fantastically awkward, because I am physically and emotionally averse to nearly all modern teenage male behaviors aimed at gaining respect in the eyes of the female population.

I do not swear or speak vulgarly in the presence of a girl or woman because I was raised to have high respect for them. I am sad when I see or hear a boy tell a dirty, derogatory joke in front of girls. And then I hear the uneasy laughter from the females within earshot.

The word "hot" in terms of describing a girl's/woman's looks makes me feel uncomfortable, because it is purely an estimation of superficialities. It objectifies girls and women in the basest way, and I believe they deserve far more respect than that.

Call me crazy, but isn't personality worth something? I'm sad to say that to a great many boys and young men, certain girls are just trophies. Outward beauty is the only relevant trait to most men (I believe, by the way, that this is a cause of the ever-increasing divorce rate in this country). Maybe it's because I'm no "hottie" myself, but regardless, I feel strongly that way.

I know that an attractive girl or woman is a privilege to behold, but inner beauty accentuates the outward appearance all the same. I find many girls I know to be more attractive than do most of my male peers, because a good personality makes the exterior even more pleasant. Conversely, there are girls who my male peers find "hot" that I find generally repulsive because of an awful demeanour. I do not join in sexist banter whenever girls help themselves to ice cream in the Dining Hall. The ideal female figure in the eyes of the boorish male is very difficult to attain, and impossible to maintain, except at a potentially grave price. Hence the rise in teenage female bulimia and anorexia.


(Finally) I HAVE UNUSUAL INTERESTS AND MANNERISMS: I am ever trying to convince others to embrace their peers' differences. This is not solely for my purposes, because I know many like me who too are relatively unknown to the general population because they look, speak, act, or (most commonly) think a differently.

As I write this, I am listening to "Milestones," a famous jazz tune penned and performed by the great Miles Davis. "Milestones" was first performed over a half-century ago. I am unable to see the intellectual value in virtually all rap music. The same goes for modern Pop music. I am much more interested by Bob Dylan and Neil Young than by 50 Cent and Green Day. I like classical music; my favorite composers are Gustav Holst and George Gershwin. I also like folk music; specifically the efforts of the group Silly Wizard, the solo songs of its lead singer Andy Stewart, and Jez Lowe and the Bad Pennies, among others.

I walk funny. That's pretty self-explanatory.

I like words, so I sometimes use ones that may be obscure of have esoteric meanings. I hope that if you have encountered any such words up to this point that you'll take a moment to look them up. That's how I learned them.

I am dependent upon my laptop for taking notes and writing essays on tests. The reason is that I have always had a fundamental fine motor-skills deficiency. It causes my hand to become sore and tired after a relatively short time writing. My handwriting is atrocious. I can't tie my shoes with the skill and agility of 99% of people my age, and perhaps people of 10 years of age. I'd ecstatically trade my extra-time and computer accomodation on tests for the ability to do these things the way others can, but that's impossible. Another difference.
~~
In writing all this, I am not fishing for pity. There are too many people in roughly the same position as I. The point of this hour's writing was to try to explore some things that I just don't understand. If you have read all the way to this point, I would like to thank you most sincerely for bearing with me. You could have done whatever you usually do at this hour (if it does not usually entail reading the ramblings of frustrated souls), but you chose to listen to what I have to say. I appreciate it. If you have a comment or would like to challenge one or more of my points, I'd like for you to send me an IM. My screen name is timgolf2002.

Thanks.

It's NOT a Small World After All

This evening, I refrained from watching the Emmy Awards because, let's be honest, it's a joke. Anyway, instead, I watched two episodes of the show "Tribal Odyssey" on the Travel Channel. I highly recommend it, but only if you are mature enough not to giggle at some mild tribal nudity. Anyway, it gives an attentive watcher an interesting perspective. Take for instance the Wasoni tribe in Papua New Guinea (Large country southeast of Indonesia and north of Australia, for those who don't know, or don't care). Two clans went to the brink of war: The Chief of Clan A was killed by his teenage bride from Clan B. As retribution for the murder, Clan A demanded a number of Cowrie shells, which are highly prized for their beauty, which makes them equivalent to currency. However, Clan B's representative in talks as been told by the government not to use cowrie shells as payment. But, money is not useful for the Wasoni. Eventually, the two tribes agree to a half-shells, half-money agreement. But just ponder the fact that there are still tribes which cannot "take the money and run."

Boys of the Himba Tribe of the dry areas of Africa (I did not catch the country in which they reside) are circumsized at the age of eight, to symbolize their passage into manhood. At eight years old, they begin to be given tasks performed by adults. Ponder that a moment. At this time, the clan slaughters a cow, and in addition to cooking it up for their feast, the head of the clan must read the entrails of the cow in an attempt to foretell future events. If you think that this is nonsense, consider that this time, the reader saw that the appearance of a particular vein symboized death, but more specifically, someone's knees getting broken or badly injured in the near future. Pretty intricate, no?

I watched only the very beginning of another episode, this time about the Zo'e tribe, who live deep in the Amazon. Heck, their presence was only detected in the last few years. They live in a part of Brazil which the Brazilian government has forbidden the public from entering, because it is virtually unexplored and unknown. These people are as close as we can come to time-travel. They live as humans lived 30,000 years ago in principle. They have no TV, no cell phones, no People Magazine.

Watch "Tribal Odyssey" once in a while. It gives one a bit of a different perspective.

Nostalgia

Last night, I happened to reconnect with an old acquaintance who moved away after third grade via AIM. She has as good a memory as anyone I know, remembering silly things that she and I said as long ago as 1st grade. Anyhow, it was awesome to just reminisce about bygone days; days when we worried about reading our first multi-chapter books WITHOUT pictures. Now, there are things like AP US History and Calculus that have taken the places of the elementary toils.

Take a look at your middle school yearbook(s) every so often, and have a a trip back in your brain and remember some of the old characters from bygone days. It's a refreshing exercise.

Some Short Musings

- My father recently needed to schedule an appointment with my parents' opthalmologist. But, when he called the office, he found out that the number had been disconnected. Why? Dr. Coppeto was arrested in February for possession of over 1000 images of child pornography. A 61 year old man, with five grown children. But appallingly at most, hismaximum sentence would be 7 and a half years in prison. He made an Alford plea (not admitting guilt but conceding a preponderance of damning evidence) to boot.
My point: many criminals get off too easy in this country. I am a very strong proponent of the death penalty; in fact, I believe that it should be applicable to sex crimes as well. Please, Criminal Justice System, take John Mark Carr away from humanity as soon as possible. Even if he didn't kill JonBenet Ramsey, he still deserves a speedy execution date.

- If you do cannot speak properly the official language of the country in which you reside, you do not deserve to be a citizen of said country.
My point: see above

- People who make the same face in nearly every picture in which they appear piss mee off.

- Women who marry death row inmates deserve to be hit upside the head with heavy manufacturing equipment.

- People who drive SUVs do not have the right to complain about global warming or oil prices.

That's all for now.

A Letter to Jon Stewart

Dear Mr. Stewart,
I have a request of you. You know that show of yours; The Daily Show? I was wondering, could you be ever so kind as to give it a freakin' rest?
For every event of relative seriousness, you and your band of writers are compelled to make light of it in the most disrespectful manner possible. Take today's terrorist round-up in England; a victory in the War on Terrorism, no? Well shiver-me-timbers! No liquids on the plane? Preposterous! Ha-ha! Another bit of hooliganism on the part of the inept Department of Homeland Security! What a stupid restriction to place on airline passengers in the wake of terrorists wanting to mix up some explosives with LIQUIDS! Lest we forget another clever insertion of a sarcastic "democracy is the only antidote to extremism" jibe!
Is this all a joke to you, Mr. Stewart? Do you feel it is wise to delude people of the seriousness of today's world by making third-grade jokes about the president and any other conservative political presences? Is this any way to affect positive action on important political and social issues?
Mr. Stewart, I beg you, will you please return to the days of Baby-Racing? The days when it was clear to everyone that your show is but an extended joke? You should be alarmed that some people take it completely seriously. You know, the news items you either found or invented that made light of subjects that deserved it? Perhaps you and your fake-conservative buddy Colbert can rekindle some of the old magic.
Until then, I have a tip for you when taking any airplane trips in the near future. Just take that bottle of water, and just hide it where the sun don't shine. Your head could use company up there.

Thank you ever-so-much.

--Gavrich

I don't mean to beach, but...

... I'm just not that enamored of spending more than an hour by the sea's sandy edge. I did this today, for the first time all summer, at the behest of my family. We only walked around searching for shells, so the experience was somewhat bearable. Trust me, any more of a commitment on my part would benefit no one.

For starters, the thought of my bare torso is enough to send the Pawleys Island Police Department into a frenzy; what with my decided stoutness of shape, not to mention a golf shirt-shaped tan line (my fair Greek skin needs no sunscreen, so my bronze arms are the only evidence of outdoor activity) that would send onlookers to area hospitals with cardiac troubles resulting from either uncontrollable laughter or crippling fright.

Another part of the beach which does not at all agree with me is sand. While the idea of walking barefoot in the sand, feet sinking in at every step may be a liberating one to some people, I just find it annoying. The whiteness of the sand did not help either, as I found myself waddling (more pronounced than usual) along, expending a great deal of energy in the unstable sand, squinting and sometimes closing my eyes altogether.

Perhaps I will eventually see in the beach what others see; they're nice to look at, but after a short while, my eyes are ready to find some other stimulation. But for now, I'm content to make a once-a-year pilgrimage to the sandy expanse, just to confirm that nothing has changed. Today, my favorite part of going to the beach was my footlong hot dog and onion rings afterwards. Besides, if I wanted to go nearly blind and come home sticky, there are probably other, less common alternatives.

Thoughts After Visiting a Mall

I was made to go to the mall this afternoon, after watching the end of the Open Championship. The five of us (myself, plus my parents, sister, and sister's friend) walked around for a couple hours, and then caught the 4 PM showing of 'The Devil Wears Prada,' a sappy, modestly entertaining comedy. Anyway, whenever I am at a mall, I leave feeling less confident of the moral fortitude of my fellow Americans. Two sights were of particular outrage.

First, a woman of about 25, wearing a black tee shirt woth the famous PLAYBOY Bunny on the front. This alone is not really an outrage, however, the combination of a less-than-centerfold-quality figure and four young children in tow was most rather distressing. I don't mean to condescend the overweight--after all, I am no hunk of a youth myself--but I am thoroughly disappointed in those who choose to wear a symbol which, in maternity, connotes a very distinct irresponsibility and evokes a certain concern from onlookers. Three of this woman's four children were girls. Will they follow in her muddy footstep? Will she bestow upon them the wantonness that inspires her to admire the unattainable standard of superficial beauty? I should hope not, but I am unsure.

Second, a girl no older than myself wearing a tee shirt saying, in formal script, "Looking for a cowboy for a midnight rodeo". I coughed aloud when I saw this, taken aback. The fact that the 1st Amendment is abused in such a way by tee shirt companies upsets me, but to see a girl of approximately my age wearing it stuns me. Were it legal, would she sell herself into prostitution? I'd imagine this is probably not so, but then what kind of message does such a phrase send? What does she want to prove by wearing it? That her parents can't kep her from being an individual? The notion of sex at a relatively young age does not bother me at all, but such blatant suggestion is disconcerting.

Is it the mall? Does the prospect of seeing a large number of unknown people lower one's inhibitions? All I know is that there is an intersection between free speech and public decency. The aforementioned young women did not see and STOP sign, for sure.

Horror Movies

I just saw the trailer for the new horror movie, "The Descent." As Jerry Seinfeld would say (picture the signature ascent in the pitch of the voice): WHAT is UP with THAT? I'm just a simple suburban wimp, but I like to think there's a little common sense in me. Who wants to see people get gored beyond reality by creatures who prey on hapless spelunkers? What fascinates people about seeing the undead feast upon the brains of unsuspecting thrillseekers? Furthermore, why would people pay $9.50 (not counting the $6.00 bag of popcorn or the $4.50 32oz soda) to sit through 90 minutes of blood-spatter, guts-munching, and other depraved violence? If it wanted to lose sleep, have nightmares, and/or become severely paranoid, I'd watch a full episode of 'The Simple Life,' but that's a rant for another time.

Horror movies have nothing to contribute to one's mind, as movies are meant to do. I read a review of Eli Roth's recent sex-fest-turned-torture-orgy "Hostel" which maintained that the movie actually had a message: What would YOU do if there were no rules? If anyone's answer to that question echoes the events of that movie, he/she is advised to seek psychological aid. Basic human morality should answer this question before any though need be given. I'm not saying that if you like scary movies, you're mentally unstable. But, the few times I go to the movie theater, I see more shady characters exiting the Eli Roth movie than the Wes Anderson one.

I blog, therefore I am (without anything better to do).

Hello. My name is Tim, and I have many opinions. So you're going to hear some of them. Some will be society-related, politics-agitated, or sport-motivated. I am brutally honest. Read at your own risk, but don't be a wimp.